


Testing

by Lesaberisa



Category: Testing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 09:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10331813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesaberisa/pseuds/Lesaberisa





	

"Thank you, Supreme Commander Malcom, but no. I have never been one for celebratory drinks or occasions.” I smiled slightly as I smoothed my robes. “I was also hoping to speak with Captain Dorne. Alone.”

“Of course. I’ll see you on the battlefield, then.” Malcom struggled for a moment, his eyes shifting between his aide and a spot on the wall slightly to the side of my head. “War makes for strange bedfellows.”

I nodded. “That it does.” _Now for the more difficult conversation. To think that once I would have been excited for it_.

Captain Dorne watched me with a steely expression that did not betray the sense of unease beneath her calm exterior I sensed through the Force. I did not blame her – close encounters with any Sith were something a rational being would find intimidating at best and fatal at worst, let alone when that Sith was a member of the Dark Council. _Former member, soon enough. I doubt the Empire will look kindly upon my decision._  

I attempted to ease the tension by offering a smile, but she only flinched at the sight.

_Another tactic, then._

“Captain Dorne, if you would please join me.” I gestured toward the small conference table in the center of the room. “I was hoping we could get to know one another before we return to the Alliance, since we will be working together.”

The captain nodded hesitantly, and took a seat on the bench directly across from me. I decided it was not worth pressing the issue – not yet, at least. It would take longer, but allowing her to be more at ease would make the entire process that much easier.

_You are the one my brother decided to build a life and future with. You are the one who knew him best, and knew him as I only did as a child. You have no idea what you meant to me before I ever met you. You have no idea how much I want to know you, to understand what you were to him and what he was to you._

But learning more about Captain Elara Dorne would not be sufficient. I wanted – needed - her to teach me about the kind of person that she was, to hear the story from her mouth unfiltered and not influenced by her knowledge of who I was and knowing what I would want to hear. I wanted to fully understand why my brother had come to love her, so I could better understand the man that Ayrs had become. And perhaps then I could know if there was a place for me now…or if I was neither Jedi nor Sith, not Republic nor Sith…but rather lost somewhere in the vast in between.

“I understand you were born in the Empire,” I began shakily. “And that most of your family remains there.”

Something dangerous flashed in her eyes. _Fool. She took that for a threat against her family._ “That is correct. I left Imperial service several years ago before defecting and have served with the Republic ever since.”

I scrambled to salvage the situation. “I do not blame you for your choice. The Empire is not what it claims to be; perhaps it never was. And no one should be forced to be complicit in its crimes.”

“As you say.” Her eyes remained narrow, her brow furrowed. It was clear I had blundered. “Was there anything else in my service record you wished to know? I have a great deal to do before we leave.”

“Yes, in fact. I am interested in your time with Havoc Squad.” I leaned forward, to emphasize that it was more than a mere request. “Quite interested.”

This time her composure was insufficient to hide a clearly pained expression, and her sorrow radiated through the Force. She forced another smile. “Of course. I served for several years, both as executive officer and later as the unit’s commander. Following the end of hostilities with Zakuul, Chancellor Saresh decided she no longer wished for me to continue in that role. Supreme Commander Malcom had me transferred to his personal staff.” She did not ask if I was interested in further detail this time, though to be fair I was only interested in one matter. _Enough time-wasting. It is time to get to the heart of the matter._

“Your former commander in Havoc Squad was one Ayrs Martell, correct?”

Captain Dorne struggled for a moment. “Major Martell, yes. I served with him for over four years. He was the commander of Havoc Squad before I was.”

“Tell me about him.” I sensed her turmoil and recognized I needed to soften the blow, though I also was perilously close to tipping my hand. “Please.”

“May I ask why?” The woman’s lip trembled slightly, almost imperceptibly.

“Of course you may ask.” I spoke carefully, attempting to ensure I did not let my own guard down even as I sought a way past hers. “I would regularly hear about his exploits , as well as those of your squad. I admired him, in my own way.” _Not a lie – truly – but also not enough of the truth to betray you. Good._ “I am always interested in learning more about those I have studied.”

“Of course.” She swallowed hard, choosing her words just as I had mine. “He was one of the most capable soldiers I ever had the privilege of serving with, and a fine leader in every respect. The galaxy would do well to have more soldiers like him.”

This is not what I want to know. He was my brother, not some soldier to be remembered like any other. I did not care about his medals or service – I could have gleaned that from the Intelligence reports I had been provided with. I frowned slightly – I would have to push further.

“And what sort of man was he?” I leaned forward, and attempted to soften my voice. To her credit, Dorne did not recoil or react. “The survivors of Ziost declared him a hero, which says much for his characters. But does it say everything that should be said?”

“I would assume your intelligence sources could provide a complete psychological profile,” she replied carefully.

“True. But they would not tell me what I wish to know.” I looked her squarely in the eyes, not flinching or reacting when she locked her gaze on me. “I was hoping that his wid - wife could.”

“I – I do not speak about that. Not with those close to me, let alone a member of the Dark Council.” I noticed her voice was uneven and felt a pang of pity stab me in the heart. I did not wish to do this, but I had no other alternative. “Perhaps you can indulge your curiosity with someone else.”

“I am sorry to trouble you in this way. Believe me when I say I do not wish to cause you undue pain…but I would ask you to humor my request.” I could simply reveal the truth behind why I must know, not quite yet. I wanted to hear her speak, first. “We have all lost so many people close to us during this war and the one before it and the one before that. It is important we do not forget them.”

“I have not forgotten him. I will never forget him.” Captain Dorne practically spat the words out at me, stabbing my heart with each angry syllable. “My husband was among the few in the Republic who saw me as a person and not a potential traitor or intelligence resource or an enemy that happened to be wearing the correct uniform. You can rest assured that I remember that every moment I am able.”

_Ayrs always had a good heart. Even if that sometimes hurt him._

“What else do you remember of him?” I prodded, as gently as I could.

“What would you have me say?” Dorne’s green eyes were watering. “That he was the sort of man that would do a thousand annoying things to ensure I would not have to do one? That he was a friendly face and a sympathetic ear when I needed them the most? Or that he would have made a wonderful father had your Emperor’s servants from Zakuul not killed him?” Her accusatory stare unnerved me, even though Vitiate had never been anything but my enemy. “He was a good man with a kind heart, and the kind of person that could make you feel as though nothing in the galaxy mattered to him but you. He did not have to tell me he loved me for me to know. He did not have to say or do anything to make me smile. That is what I remember of him.” She glared at me with anger I had rarely seen before. “Does that satisfy your curiosity?”

“Your son is well?” The Intelligence reports rarely mentioned Artann Martell. No doubt a young boy did not interest the agents as much as a defector from the Emperor. Even Commander Dorne’s supplements had lacked detail about my nephew.

The change in subject caught her off guard. “He is doing as well as one could hope for.” She moved to stand up, clearly tired of my questioning. I would have to end the charade soon.

“And with a mother sworn to a duty that keeps her far from home.”

Something flashed in her eyes, but she suppressed it quickly. “My husband’s family takes care of him when I am away. Unfortunately, the Republic’s demands do not always conform to a parent’s schedule.”

“Too true. Fortunately, Kuat is as good a place as any for a young child to grow up.” Her green eyes flashed again, this time with suspicion. I pre-empted her by leaning forward. “Tell me. What do you know of your husband’s death?”

Dorne’s composure nearly broke. “I realize that you are a valuable ally to the Republic but – “

“Please.” I reached out a hand and gently placed it on one of hers. Curiously, she did not recoil from the gesture. “You will understand.”

She took several deep breaths before continuing. When she did, her voice was rather weak “It was before the war truly broke out, on a world named Ord Cestus that neither side particularly cared about. The coalition forces attempted to hold against the forces we later learned were from Zakuul, but were forced to evacuate. Ayrs - my husband - remained behind to protect the last transports.”

“He died protecting others.” I noted. “He died a hero.”

“I never wanted him to be a hero,” she replied bitterly. “I wanted him to come home.” She removed her hand from mine and wiped away unbidden tears from her eyes. “If you’ll excuse me – “

“I lost someone on Ord Cestus, too.” I felt strangely detached about what I was saying. “My brother was among the coalition forces there. It is strange to think such a small, insignificant, place could be quite the opposite to us both.”

Dorne looked at me warily, no doubt attempting to decipher my intent. “I am sorry for your loss.”

“As I am for yours.” I swallowed hard – I had been unfair to her. _Grossly unfair._ It was time to put that right. “If you’ll indulge me, I would like to tell you about my brother. It is only fair after what I have put you through.”

She began to protest, but thought better of it.

“My brother and I grew up on a world that I would now be bored with, given all I have seen and done. He was several years older than me, but never let that stop him from playing games with me or ensuring that I could enjoy being a child even as my father drilled me on the responsibilities of being a Force user. He was the kind of brother anyone would be lucky to have.”

“I did not realize Sith childhoods could be so normal,” she said quietly.

“I was not born a Sith. I was forced to become one.” I corrected gently. “My life was destroyed in a single afternoon, when my home was destroyed and I was spirited away to a life of slavery in the Empire…which led to the Sith discovering me. My big brother was not there – he was away at his school. I blamed him sometimes, but I am glad he was not there. He could not have saved me then. He would only have died alongside so many we loved and cared for.”

Her expression suggested a hint of suspicion, but not comprehension. Truth be told, it was both unnerving and exhilarating to lay bare all that had haunted me for these years.

“I did not see my brother for many years. He became a soldier, following in our mother’s footsteps and honoring his faith as well. I watched from afar as best I could, using Imperial Intelligence and other resources to avoid causing him difficulties. I watched his career rise with pride, even as my own path often proved to be something quite different than I would have ever wanted. There were few times I did not wish I could have had him there with me. But I persevered. And so did he.”

 _Calm_. My heart was pounding, its beat as ominous as our final moments together had been. I released her hand from mine as I reached the breaking point.

“We had not seen each other for years when fate – or the Force – brought us together again. And when we saw each other that day, it was as if we had never parted. It was as if we had never left that farm on Ithaca.”

Elara’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly twice upon hearing my homeworld’s name. I felt my nails dig into my palm as I continued the tale.

“He was commanding the rear guard at the coalition headquarters. We fled the main compound together, covering the retreat.” The nails dug deeper. “One of the final two transports left with barely half of its seating filled, and there was not nearly enough room for those of us left behind to fit in the other. I wanted to remain, alongside his soldiers and mine, but he was the same man that he had been before. Always the big brother. Always looking out for his little sister, even when she was too stupid and stubborn to look out for herself.” My vision grew blurry as I remembered those frantic final moments; the blaster bolts flying in every direction and the screams of the dying as the ominous hum of the enemy’s lightsabers grew nearer. “He said ‘Remember me. Remember us.’ As if I could forget my brother or what he had done.”

I dared not look at her. Instead, I focused on my right hand, which were bleeding from how deeply my nails were digging.

“When we returned to the combined fleet, Darth Marr himself took me aside to tell me how my brother had died bravely. That he had died a hero. It took all of my composure not to spit in his face. I did not want Ayrs to die a hero. I wanted my big brother back.” Elara’s hand was on the table. I took it in mine again; she did not seem to mind as she stared at the table and trembled. “But I understood where a man like Marr never could. And I resolved to remember my brother for what he was, and to let go with everything we missed. I wish I could say I succeeded, but Ayrs was never someone I could replace.”

“It’s you. _Veresia_.” She said softly, her reddened eyes searching my face for something they did not appear to find. “He…he never stopped talking about you; about how you would find a way to survive whatever the galaxy threw your way. I sometimes wondered if it was his way of assuaging his own guilt. But he was always sure he would see you again.” Her voice trailed off as her eyes became slightly unfocused.

“And he did. He always found a way.” I smiled slightly, unsure of whether I should continue. “He told me about you as well, before I left Ord Cestus. He was like a schoolboy gushing about his first crush. I knew then that you were something more than the person I had read about in those reports. You meant everything to him, which in turn meant everything to me.”

She did not say anything.

“He had a message for you. One I should have given a long time ago.” I paused, swallowing hard. “He said to tell you that he was sorry that he left you, and that he loved you even more than you ever realized.” I paused again to allow us both a moment. “And he told me that he would have gladly given up an eternity in the Maker’s grace for another moment with you.”

_How I wish that had been possible. But death does not come only for the wicked or the deserving._

Elara did not seem to be in a position to say anything.

I was not well-equipped to deal with such situations – not after spending so many years among the Sith - but I could make an attempt. I _would_ make an attempt.  I rose from my chair and slid onto the bench next to her, awkwardly resting my left arm on back and my hand on her shoulder. I felt her rest her head on my shoulder as she sobbed softly.

“I was not there for Ayrs when he needed me the most. But I _am_ here for you and your son, now and until the last of my days.” It was difficult saying such things. It had been so long since I had meant them. “You are my family.”

 


End file.
